What was done to him was like what happens on the train, when you think you are moving forward, but are moving backward, and suddenly find out the real direction.
"Yes, it was all not right," he said to himself, "but never mind. I can, I can do 'right.' But what is 'right'?" he asked himself and suddenly grew still.
--from The Death of Ivan Ilyich
Category Archives: Anguish & Despair
couch
quotidien: 11:15 a.m. Feel a strong impulse to cross myself as I come over the hill in Manhattan Beach and the morning ocean, wide and bright, is suddenly spread out before me. 1:30 p.m. Gaze affectionately at endearing young girl. … Continue reading
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my apartment
When I am alone I tend to have thoughts that estrange me from the world and from myself. Maybe this is why I don’t like being alone lately. I used to say that I liked being alone. I wonder if … Continue reading
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my buddy
Yes, I was upset that I lost a lot of “paper stuff” when my computer crashed last night. I “froze” for quite a bit of time, and wasn’t too sure how I would “restart” myself again, and what that would … Continue reading
Posted in Actual Life, Anguish & Despair
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Big Black Ball
I was nearly delirious the other night and describing to Roman the Big Black Ball in my head. It was in my head at that very moment of describing it, so I was having phenomenological insight. Now, my recap of … Continue reading
Posted in Anguish & Despair, Self Contemplation
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regret of the dark (or on vanity)
Pain and pleasure, foes equivalent, Striving to subdue — and failing! Dueling for my senses while my cup which used to Overflow, sends water to my veins. (Or so the Greek once said) But the pain remains, I do believe … Continue reading
Posted in Anguish & Despair, Poetry & Prose
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